2013, and it's only october

the purpose of this blog is purely selfish. i'm not writing it for other people, rather for myself. or else i might explode for all of the things i want to remember but not longer can store in my overwhelmed brain. this year has be cra-azzzy and amazing and such a testament to "letting the universe work its magic" (word.). it all started last fall (insert flashback harp music (merci beaucoup, Big Bang Theory)). it is my theory that isadora chose us before we even knew one another. she bided her time in the stars until she could wait no more. (how is that any less possible that everyone else's theory... PLUS, it goes along with my unwavering love for the story, stardust, quite nicely).  last october, something sneaky was clearly going on in my body. after days and days of mike suggesting a pregnancy test only to receive my confident reply of "its not necessary! i KNOW my body and am most certainly NOT pregnant". ha. what a humbling experience. previously a self-described control FREAK, i quickly gave into the universe and little issie's control over not only my body, but also my heart and soul. since last october, i have made peace with so much of the baggage i had toted around for too many years. as my belly expanded to maximum capacity, i felt my heart heal and the invisible weights lift from my shoulders. i could feel the greater cosmos telling me "hey there, lady! you have no idea, but you are about to meet the most incredible little soul you have ever seen, and she is going to be yours forever. make way, because she is going to rock your world!". now having spent 10 short weeks with her, i can surely attest to the universe's words.

preparing for parenthood hasn't been the only change this year has brought (although it has definitely been the most amazing)- mike and i have graduated (yay, us!), we have started new (big kid, adult-like) jobs, and i have contributed to an upcoming social neuroscience publication (what?!). life has certainly changed. in the last year, i have provided therapy and thus had my life forever changed by the courageous and heart-breaking experiences of many military veterans; i have shared moments with some of the most interesting people affected by severe mental illness in inpatient psychiatric care; i have taught yoga in every which way (meditation, yoga for addiction recovery, yoga for veterans (i.e. ptsd, depression, chronic pain, anxiety, sleep), advanced yoga, etc), all while my body persistently whispered "kimmy-poo, you probably shouldn't do that pose anymore.... or that pose... and DEFINITELY not that pose".  for the first time in YEARS, i have decided to take some time away from school. before i knew that i was pregnant, i had hard-set plans to go straight into my phd. i even maintained those plans through the majority of my pregnancy, constantly spouting silliness like "it won't be a big deal, i'll probably have her the first of july (because obviously i would have control over when isadora would arrive) and 2 months is more than enough time to get the hang of motherhood before school starts in the fall". (hahahahahahahahahaha) let me be the first to tell you a) i clearly had NO control over issie's arrival, as she made her appearance a lucky 7 days after my due date and b) 2 months to get the "hang" of motherhood?!?! luckily, many a-caring professor suggested that i wait and see how i felt after issie's arrival. of course, after i saw her in those moments after her arrival, i knew that i wanted (and needed) to spend as much time as possible showering her with unconditional love. and so, here we are, she and i, so happy in each others company.

back to those many a-caring professors... although they successfully talked me into postponing my phd for a couple of years, they also (so amazingly) helped me gain employment doing research for the university (dream job!!!) what makes it even better is that i get to do all of my work while still spending all of my time with my amazing (have i mentioned that she's amazing) daughter. :-) for example, i wrote a 6-page report today... while issie adorably slept on my lap. really, what could be better than completely geeking out over data and research only to look down and see the most miraculous and beautiful creature you have ever seen.

aside from having all of these wonderful and borderline overwhelming changes, mike and i have decided to pile on even MORE change! as we embark on the journey toward home ownership, i find myself daydreaming about all its incredible implications- yoga/meditation room?! YES! our very own garden?!? YES!  a reading/game room?! YES! how cupcakes, batman- s*#t is getting real! and yet, i when i find myself falling down the rabbit hole of day dreams and plan making (which i often do), i remind myself to take a deep breath and give it all over the the universe.

so yes, this year has be cra-azzzy and amazing and emotional and full of so much change... and i wouldn't change a minute of it. as i glance over to my left and see my beautiful daughter (sigh) and then over to my right and see my amazing and supportive husband (hubba hubba), i am reminded that the universe has been incredibly kind to me. i am one lucky gal.

peace. peace. peace.

oh yes... let me tell you again how badass my daughter is...

she was born 7/23/13 at 1:45 AM... in the early morning of the very first day if Leo (http://www.ganeshaspeaks.com/leo/leo-traits.action)


AND because she was born 7 days past her due date, her native american spirit animal was the salmon rather than the woodpecker (http://spirit-animals.com/salmon/)

She's so cool.